craigslist part 3

please help me win my wife back

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Date: 2010-02-07, 12:54AM CST

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Hi,

Well, this is weird. But thanks for clicking and reading.

I don't even know what terms to use. Beautician? Stylist? I haven't been cool for 20+ years, so please just let me talk.

I am a white man who is 46 years old. I'm a dad of teenagers. Middle class.

My wife of many years and I are having big fights, and I want to woo her back. Part of the plan is to not look like the 46-year-old slob that I fear she sees.

I'm no bumpkin--but I'm no metrosexual, either. Honestly, I'm clueless as to fashion, looks, etc.

So what I'm hoping to find: someone (in my mind, it's a woman in her 30s who is young enough to be hip and mature enough to understand me) who will spend a day with me making me more attractive to my wife.

If this sounds weird to you, please don't respond. If you find this ridiculous, please move on.

But if you want to help a decent guy who is in love with his wife, please write. She's back in town on Wednesday--I want my hair and skin and clothes and whatever else to look awesome by then.

I will pay $200 for 8 hours of consulting. You would need to listen to me about the things I know she likes (like curls at the back of my hair), and not try to make me look like I'm 20-something, or anything else I'm not. But I'm very open to a fresh perspective. And, of course, you would need to be respectful, and in earnest.

When you get right down to it, we're all just really trying, right? I need some help. I'm no creeper--I'm not trying to meet someone, or whatever--maybe you're not a 30-something woman, maybe you're a 20- or 80-something gay man or whatever--I don't care. I'm just a middle-aged guy who needs some help in looking as best he can (which won't be much) to try to win his wife back. If you can help, please get in touch.

It'll be a challenge: I have braces, and a bald spot! Well, you play the hand you're dealt.

My wife is the love of my life, and I want nothing more than to be the best I can be for her.

Thanks for reading--I hope you can help--

I love craigslist part 2

BEAT IT WITH A REAL JO-BRO - m4m

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Date: 2010-05-23, 5:13PM EDT

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I'm a serious bro looking for a equally/more serious bro with fancy footwork. The idea is to tie our wrists together ala the "Beat It" video and then each JO/knife fight in a profound spiritual act of consensual hetero awesomeness. I would have done this way sooner but have little faith in humanity.

Requirements:
-access to an abandoned warehouse
-old enough/built kinda awesome
-maintains good eye contact
-general intensity
-cool moves
-shades
-leather jackets ( I had to give the one in the pic back - long story, I can tell you when we finish)
-Bedazzler
-basic knowledge of knife/sword/bat fight etiquette (I can teach you what I know if you are pretty serious about art like me)
-can lift 80 lbs
-bachelor's in something or equivalent experience
-not a narc

Whereas dudes/J-ing O are both undeniably awesome, I'm a straight bro. As in not gay. I just really love MJ and being open minded about new JO scenarios. We will basically play "Beat It" over and over again while we JO and dance, occasionally parrying/thrusting. Winner finishes the most times, but points will be awarded for finishing first/accuracy. If you're the heter-bro I'm looking for, then we can JO furiously/competitively and then just hang or whatever. I've got laser tag too. I'm pretty serious about this. As in completely serious. If you touch my junk with anything but your own I will BF you in the M. Nerds/gays need not apply. I'M NOT GAY.

P.S. - And I've gotten with hot chicks as recently as just now.

"They told him don't you ever come around here
Don't wanna see your face, you better disappear
The fire's in their eyes and their words are really clear
So beat it, just beat it"

• Location: Philly
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

I love craigs list!!!!

every girl that dreams of dating a bearded uptown hipster with a bike

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Date: 2010-02-12, 4:05AM CST

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let me just remind you that when you take away the fixed-gear bike, the messenger bag, the scarf that's worn year-round, the ironic t-shirt, the dumb shoes, the pbr, the tattoos, plugs, and the stupid beard, we all look the same.

so, are you really in love with a guy or his accessories? or is it that you're in love with the whimsical idea of an urban lumberjack type who will go on "adventures" with you, meanwhile being perfectly content with doing what every other human being our age does: drinking and fucking?

also, tell me about the last black guy you dated. what's that? you can't? cause every fucking uptown hipster is a white boy from the suburbs.

the uptown wannabes from the suburbs grow up idolizing the current inhabitants. when they're old enough, they move there, grow beards and do the stupid shit that kids do (eg. drink). what's ironic is that this new generation then grows up and becomes the new kids to be idolized by the new uptown wannabes from the suburbs. it's an endless cycle of superficiality, facades, and stupid kids seeking affirmation from their peers.

the truth is, NONE OF YOU ARE COOL!

i wish i could be there, 20 years from now, when you look back at pictures of yourselves from today. it's like explaining zubas in the 90s to someone today.

irony is not timeless.

marry a guy with a yacht.

I want my $2.00 !!!

I can't believe that it's the end of august and it rained all day! Today was the day i was going to get all my baking done ....instead i got a flat tire ( a screw from our driveway) and spent the afternoon at Les Schwab. I did still make zucchini bread , Polenta cakes, Steamed my beets & Tomatoes, and made my dill fried carrots.

My 1st batch of  Tomatoes from the garden ...........I also finished painting ruby's wooden horse and staining the table my dad made for me ...

Jason sanded and stained our side garage door....

I also went to Lush with my mom and got some new stuff ....I love that place !!!
I always get the karma soap, buffy the back slayer , bath bombs . I also got  a new powder that is sooooo great ! my bathroom smells amazing!

I have been scoring so much great stuff at the bins (I may be on an episode of hoarders.... just kidding!!!)

My client bought me this beautiful arrangement this week......so sweet !!

Ruby's new swimming pool........classy.

This is the Basement empty ( our next big project) I spent 1/2 hr sanding the floors and not even a dent in the work...deep breath. This one will take alot of imagination and patience!!!

 Ruby decided she was going to wear her shawl and hat and nothing else yesterday (no pants)

Busy Busy Busy

Well its been a very busy last few weeks the kids had an overnight and we camped in the back yard , painted gords and got into a paint fight!!!

Ari , Ruby and i went to Cannon beach for the day.....it was so nice to be on the ocean. Took 3 crabs home and had the best dinner ever!!!!

I went to the bins last week and found so many rad 80's Purses and when i was cleaning up this teal one i found the police tag on it with a case number and all.....I think i may be the proud owner of a hookers bag!!!!

s

c

Jason , Ruby and i went to Astoria for the weekend and stayed with a friend who works at the salmon hatchery. We stayed with him in his employee housing (3 bed house)We went to Goonies house and Jail .